I really liked her description of the library in the first paragraph. Having never been to her library it was important as the reader to have some understanding of the place she was talking about. Although she was very descriptive in the first paragraph i found it hard to figure out what her argument was. I had to go back and reread to find out what she was going to be argueing and discussing in her paper.
I thought she had a lot of really great reasons to back up her argument. All her reasons were to much in list form though. It would have been better if she had minimized her number of reasons and then elaborated on specific ones. For example she comments in the third paragraph that the library has a very welcoming atmosphere but then does not really explain how. Some of her reasons were elaborated on and others were not.
I really liked her ending though. Her second to last sentence was talking about bringing blankets and living in the library , and then she tied it all together by comparing the library to Holiday Inn. It was a very clever way to wrap up the paper.
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3 comments:
I agree with your analysis of this students blog. I too liked the description the author went into. However, they could have done a better job finding an argument in that description. I agree that with you that the argument was hard to find. I know I will have to make sure I do not get to caught up in description when I write my essay.
I also had to reread it a couple times. and I agree that she should have gone into more detail about how the atmosphere was welcoming. When you walk into a "welcoming atmosphere" you notice several little things that contribute to that.
I agree that the Holiday Inn bit was clever. I thought she could have organized the paper better though and included the first bit about the Holiday Inn with her last statement, which I thought was the best part of the whole thing. I do think description is important in giving the reader a better understanding of the space, but she did need to elaborate more.
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